FullaBella님의 저널, 2013년 11월 18일

Monday - November 18th. While I do certainly miss DH (moved from ICU to a regular room yesterday and likely home tomorrow) I do like this quiet house in the morning. No TV competing for my thoughts as I sip my coffee and try to think about my journal.

Not the best of eating yesterday; it started out really well with what I considered to be a ideal model of mindful eating but hit the wall last night. The good: brunch at Cracker Barrel with my SD after visiting DH in ICU. I'd ordered eggs, sausage and pancakes and found my hunger satisfied with only 1/2 a pancake and 2 eggs and 1 sausage patty and stopped eating. The 'old B' would have said 'eh, what the heck, you've already had 'some', may as well stuff it all down and call it a day' but the 'better B' said 'no need to do that.'

After that I came home and cleaned up the storage room again. Three hours of lifting, moving and labeling and I still have a few boxes to go through again but much better. I felt hungry again so I had a small cup of my homemade chili heated on the gas stove by candle light because we lost power for over two hours when someone hit a utility pole and wiped out electricity for half the town. Seriously, one pole takes out that many homes? That's a bit vulnerable.

I'd considered going back and visiting with DH for that time but did not want to leave while the 5 or so police officers on shift at that time were handling all of the accidents due to no traffic signals. In the event that some yo-yo decided to start looting downtown businesses during our small town emergency I needed to be here and hold down the fort. So Mushy and I sat out back on the deck with the door opened and listened for sounds of 'breaking and entering'. The weather was sunny and temperatures mid 70's so it was the perfect time to have to endure 'no power'.

My SD next door asked 'are you okay?' and I said 'yep, but one more hour and we start eating the ice cream...' and about that time the power came on but I still ignored Karma's message and had ice cream and cake at bed time. I slept well. Didn't really even remember it until I was tidying the kitchen this morning and saw the bowl. Ah well. We live to continue improving another day, right?

I'm going to do it, finally, yep, yup, here we go. I'm going to get a Keurig so I would appreciate some opinions and suggestions from my friends here. Model blah blah and how you like it. I've said 'this is the year' since January and we're heading into year end. Time to wrap up that resolution.

And - I'm considering a fridge with 'french doors'. I've had 'side by side's for a long time and I really like the idea of a wider drawer type freezer at the bottom instead so I'd appreciate, again, the testimony and opinions from my real live not paid actor friends.

Speaking of friends, while you folks are truly fabulous with the way you come here, read my rambling venting whining inane insane journals and always comment and support me and leave me feeling much better... one of my RL 'friends' received what I consider 'strike three' this weekend. I'm just using that as a lead in. I forgave her and moved on because I don't wish to hold anger in me, I understand resentment adds ten pounds. But I need to vent this one out as it's been churning for a couple of days and even my practiced breathing isn't expelling it from my thoughts. Journaling usually clears this kind of thing for me so here goes.

If you recall this is my 'Business Colleague Friend' - the BCF who gave me a blouse far too small on my birthday that was likely a regift with the comment 'oh, I thought you said you'd lost weight'? I don't mind regifting, I'm all about repurposing but I probably haven't been that size since I was 8 years old. So I repurposed it as a cleaning rag for my paint brushes.

Anyway, this was the same BCF who's always pushing their dead inventory on us when they need money. They take advantage of their relationship with DH as well as his 'male pride' that stops him from wanting to say 'uh, no' because apparently with men the illusion of disposable cash is directly related to virility or something.

The point is, they claim to be 'friends' yet the ONLY time they come here under the guise of 'visiting' is when they are dumping thousands of dollars of their dead weight on us. They are a 45 minute drive from us and while they will travel up to six states away to do trade shows they act as if we are at the other end of the world. Until they need money, that is.

So they were the people trying to 'dump inventory' on us again and had planned to bring it out Sunday (in my journal last week where I vented that we were bleeding cash from every outlet here with the BiPap, bed and preneed and I just couldn't have it. )

Well, I could have it but I didn't WANT to have it. So to give both of us a graceful exit when I returned their call I began the conversation with 'wow, we've spent the equivalent of a European Vacation this week ... seems like everyone I'm dealing with is trying to take advantage of me financially... I'm so glad to be talking to someone who doesn't want anything from me' because the conversations about the inventory dump had all been with DH and I was feigning 'frazzled ditz'. But she got the message and I didn't have to say it direct.

So what's the 'strike three' if you're curious and still reading? She phoned Saturday and said 'DH called us, we didn't know he was in the hospital.' And I said 'yeah, we're so tired of sending out the Bat Signal every time he rides to the ER we've instituted a new plan. When he wakes up, he'll phone and tell folks. If he doesn't wake up, I will.'

You know that cliched 'if there's anything we can do, let us know' people offer? Usually I say, 'thank you, I will' but NEVER do (ask for anything) because the few times I have I was disappointed. I must really be a hard person to please I guess.

But living on faith as I do, I tried again. It was Saturday, gloomy, I'd had a hard week of course and I was a little bit 'lonely' for real live conversation with 'a friend'. My GOOD real life friend was gone to the theater with the tickets. I was fine with that.

So to my BCF in response to her 'anything ...' I said 'come on out and visit. I've just made a huge pot of homemade chili and I'll put on some coffee. '

Her response? "That's too far to drive for a bowl of chili.'

I tried give her another chance and said 'you don't know that, you've never had my homemade chili. My customers at the restaurant (back in the day I earned a living cooking) used to say they'd been looking forward to my chili three states away.'

Again, she said no. So I guess if there isn't thousands of dollars of cash waiting here for her, we're just not worth the 45 minutes it takes to come visit 'their FRIENDS.' So forgiven, but definitely off the Christmas card list in Bellawood. Well, I don't send Christmas cards but you get the idea.

Anyway, time to get Mushy her pill, dress and go visit DH before I come back and open the shop. Another day begins and I need to get in the game. Thank you for stopping by and visiting with me. Hope you have a wonderful day.

Bells