FullaBella님의 저널, 2013년 10월 1일

Second journal - a little brain activity going on here so I'm going to try to get something down in print. Little bells ringing in my head. Like, I totally missed the first day of Autumn. Maybe it's denial; hard to accept we're headed into Winter soon; I'm been enjoying my backyard far too much to give it up.

I was thinking about the Friday journal in combination with the article of my earlier journal today.

The thing is .. while it's a bit late in life to connect the two .. it's never 'too' late to change. It begins with ME. Today.

I'm going to work on being as open in real life as I am here. Not so much about the tragic things; more about the 'look what I've done for me lately' way. If people find me obnoxious and egotistical - so be it. I may scale back some. But if I want to be known for my painting, photography, philanthropy, compassion, weight loss, cooking, gardening, pet loving, good 'wifing', etc., it begins with me telling the world.

And at the end of it all, when it's all said and done and I have began to achieve room temperature, well, the story will be written by those who follow me. And much like I do with life now, they can take the parts of me they want and leave the rest. I can't control that.

Other little things slipping and need to be remembered. I forgot to journal about my monthly anniversary on 9/25; that was 13 months into this new way of life to eat, think and be healthy. I used to keep and add to the list of the small subtle changes but as time went on the changes seemed less noticeable so the focus on appreciating it has diminished. Shame on me for that.

Something as simple as getting out of the lounge chair, bending over, and pulling that blade of grass from between the boards of my deck the other day seemed like nothing. Then I remembered last Summer being upset because I'd asked the SD to pick up weed killer and she hadn't. Little things like bending over to pull the grass or standing long enough to go to the store to buy my own were too hard on me 100lbs ago.

I catch myself staring at the profile reflection of my stomach when I go into my bathroom; I guess I expect it to magically turn flat or something. Then I recall commenting on someone's journal elsewhere about 'obviously I like cheese more than I want to lose weight right now.' I'm sure giving that up would affect the scale. Then again, not if it causes me to eat more of something else because I miss my cheese. It's all still a learning process. But as long as my smallest size of pants don't get too tight, I'm doing just fine for now.

It occurred to me last night, catching my reflection in the plate glass window of my store, that my arms were full of bags from the grocery store. I only walk to the little market maybe once every other week. What happened to the daily, buy what I need as I need it? How easily I forget. Time to get back on track.

The Farmers Market has shut down until the Fall crops come in so that's less walking there too. I'm slipping back to a bad habit of less walking, more over shopping for food. Time to address it and correct it. Especially right now while the days are cool and comfortable.

Y'all have a good day now, ya hear?

Bells